Truth and Acceptance
by LadyVader66
Summary: Epiphanies abound as both Buffy and Angel discover some inner truths as well as their way back to each other. Breaks off from canon in mid S7/S4. B/A. Minor scooby bashing. Rated M for language, etc.
1. The Truth Hurts

Summary: Epiphanies abound as both Buffy and Angel discover some inner truths as well as their way back to each other.

Rating: Pg-13/T…. for now

Author's Note: This is the first fanfic that I've been really serious about writing. I've had this idea floating around in my head forever and I've finally decided to sit down and write it. It breaks off from canon in roughly mid season 7 of BtVS and mid season 4 of Ats. I am probably playing with the timeline a little bit but its my story so suck it up. Angel has just fought the Beast and Buffy is rallying against the First.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to the evil Joss.

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Angel didn't know what to do. His life was in shambles and he didn't have the foggiest idea of how to fix it. He had just had his ass handed to him by a giant horned rock and then had to witness the woman he was supposedly in love with rutting with his son.

Angel laughed derisively to himself as he trudged through the underground of LA. His life was a fucking joke. Some champion he was. Everything was falling apart around him and all he wanted to do was to crawl into a hole somewhere and stay there. He wanted to wake up and have the last couple weeks, hell the last couple years, be a dream. He was so tired of it all, all he wanted was to have something he could really believe in. He had come to the realization that somewhere along the way he had lost the mission and in doing so, himself.

Looking back on his time in LA Angel could recognize his slow descent for what it was, a descent. He had had such a sense of purpose when he had arrived here. He had wanted to make something of himself, be better than what he was. He wanted to make her proud. Her... Buffy. She was the reason he came to this city, because he left her, because this city was the farthest he could force himself to be from her.

He hadn't thought about Buffy in months, it was too hard to think about her, too confusing. Add to that that for the last few months he had actually believed himself to be in love with his seer and that he had felt guilty about thinking about Buffy when he was supposed to be thinking about Cordy. What a joke! The whole idea was ridiculous! Feeling guilty over thinking about his own soul mate. That is exactly what Buffy was, his soul mate. Screw kyrumption, what the heck was that anyway? Buffy could never have done what Cordelia had just done. To sleep with his son was the ultimate betrayal and it just served to prove that Cordelia's feelings for him, whatever they were, were negligible.

Without conscious thought angel found himself back at the Hyperion. Looking in through the glass doors from the garden, he could see the others scurrying around patching wounds and cleaning weapons. While Angel was glad to see that they had all made it back he had no inclination to go inside and join them. He was coming to realize that the wounds on his soul greatly eclipsed the mess that was his body and none of the people in the lobby could patch them up. There was only one person who could do that. One person who could make him completely forget this mess of a night.

He silently entered the underground garage and got into the belvedere. Navigating his way through the panic stricken, fiery streets was a challenge but before he knew it he was on the highway headed north, headed home.

Well that's the first chapter! I'd love to know what you guys think and if you think I should continue!


	2. Wait, We Agree?

Truth and Acceptance Ch. 2

Summary: Epiphanies abound as both Buffy and Angel discover some inner truths as well as their way back to each other.

Rating: M…. for now it's mostly for the language; Angelus isn't known to watch his mouth! Later who knows what will happen! ; )

A/N: Angelus' thoughts are in italics.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to the evil Joss.

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Two hours later Angel was passing the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign. The drive had done nothing to calm his simmering emotions. If anything it had just made him question his life even more. It appeared that getting tossed off a building was some sort of catalyst for an epiphany now a days. He had spent the whole drive going over his life for the past four years and the only conclusion he could come to was that it sucked. Angelus was just about as riled up as he had ever been as he appeared to be in agreement with Angel's newfound view of his life. Angel had concluded that he didn't understand how he, the Scourge of Europe, had come to be the guard dog of a bunch of rag tag humans.

"_Yeah soul boy how the fuck DID that happen?"_

"Oh shut up," thought Angel.

"_Hey I'm just glad you finally came to the realization that you really are pathetic."_

"Ugh, I think I might actually agree with you."

"_Good, at least you're doing something right and going back home to claim what's ours."_

"I'm not here to cla... And there is no 'ours'. Buffy is mine. She doesn't even like you."

"_Yeah keep telling yourself that soulboy but I'd say that mark on her neck proves otherwise. And cheer up, she likes the fact that we're a vampire; she practically melts when we get all growly…and without me you wouldn't even be alive, much less able to growl."_

"Ok fine. I can't really argue with you there," Angel relented.

"_Damn straight."_

"Why are we all of sudden in agreement about all of this?"

"_Maybe because you have finally come around to my way of thinking. You've practically ruined my reputation by running around letting your 'friends' boss you around and acting like a kicked puppy. And you wonder why I'm pissed off all the time? Those humans of yours show us no respect. Not to mention the whole Cordelia affair made me want to stake myself; having to listen to you think about how 'lovely' she is was disgusting. I may like a little something around the hips to grab onto but come on! And you completely fell for her stupid sainthood act!"_

Angel was surprised by his demon's vehemence on the subject.

"What sainthood act?" he questioned.

"_Ugh come on soulboy catch up will you! She was totally playing you! The blonde hair, the training, the 'all for one and one for all' attitude…hell the fact that she started wearing Buffy's perfume for Christ sake! Get with the program, she was totally trying to manipulate you into having feelings for her. She's not the selfless, self-sacrificing type; she didn't become half-demon so she could continue to help people, she did it because she didn't want to die."_

Angel was struck dumb with these revelations, because looking back Angel had to agree with his assumptions about the seer. The fact that she slept with his son proved her selfishness and disregard for anyone's feelings but her own.

Angel was becoming more angry and upset by the mile. He honestly couldn't refute any of Angelus's statements. Everything he had said about Cordy was true. What the hell had he been doing for the last couple of years?

"Well if you've got so much to say and I'm obviously so blind, why don't you tell me what you think about the rest of them." Angel was now legitimately curious about the demon's point of view. He was so used to repressing the demon that it was refreshing to not have to work to ignore his snide comments.

"_Well for starters, the lot of them have absolutely no clue who they are dealing with. You've let them treat you like their bitch for years. You practically groveled for months to get back in their good graces after the whole Darla episode, and for what? Its not like we need them, they are the ones who need us. You've been playing by all the pathetic human rules for so long that they've forgotten that you are a VAMPIRE! And of course when you stepped over that line they had drawn in the sand for you and went after Darla and Dru they made you feel guilty about it for fucking forever! It was our right to punish them however we see fit! We're the Master of one of the purest and most powerful vampire clans in the world and it was about damn time we started acting like it!"_

"_And after that little scenario, you decided to take orders from Wesley for Christ sake! The watcher extraordinaire who can't manage to translate anything right and took it upon himself to STEAL our kid and then let him get taken by one of our greatest enemies."_

"Okay, okay. I get the picture. I think you're getting yourself a little worked up."

"_Humph…whatever soulboy. Just use your head for a change and quit looking at our life through rose colored glasses."_

That was exactly what Angel did. Why the hell had he let four humans young enough to be his great-great-great grandchildren guilt trip and manipulate him into this position? The only answer he could come up with was that it was easier to let them have their way than to try and get them to accept him for what he was, which is a vampire. The things that he had allowed the AI crew to do to him were humiliating to dwell upon for any self-respecting vampire. Angel realized that he had changed almost everything about himself to please the humans that were supposed to be working FOR him.

"_Yeah for God sake you drink your blood out of a mug with a happy face on it! What the fuck is wrong with you?"_

Angel cringed at Angelus's shouted pronouncement.

Since moving to L.A. Angel had changed just about everything about himself to please the humans around him. Cordelia has been the main driving force behind most of these changes. His clothes, his feeding habits, his bedtime were all altered to her specifications. From the moment he had given her the job Cordelia had been subtly controlling his life. It had started because he depended on her for her visions but he didn't remember when he apparently gave her free reign over his life. He got up during the day so that she wouldn't be inconvenienced at night, he changed his wardrobe because she said he was too "intimidating" to the paying customers, and he never wore his game face around her or the gang because it freaked them out.

"_Don't forget the fact that you had to buy her a whole new wardrobe as a form of apology. Yeah…that's some friendship! I think I'd take Spike over her and that's really saying something." _

And she wasn't the only one! He had bowed to Wesley and Gunn's orders for months after the Darla incident just to get back into their good graces. He had never in his life, vampire or human, clamored for someone's approval. He had never even bowed to his own Da's demands as a young man and yet he took orders from Wesley for months like some idiotic fledgling. The entire Fang Gang had been just expecting him to play by their rules for far too long. He was sick of bowing to everyone else.

"_They are supposed to be bowing before us remember. We are the alpha, the Master. It's about time they started showing us some fucking respect!"_

What if he was sick of always being the one to save their asses? What if he wanted to let someone else be the hero for a change, huh? What if he was tired of always being the strong one, the one who had to make all the hard choices?

"_Well duh that's why we are here remember."_

"That's right, Buffy will know what to do, she should understand better than anyone."

By this time Angel had pulled the car up to the curb outside the gates to Restfield cemetery. Angel knew to the depths of his soul that this is where he would find Buffy. That ever-present tingle that signified her presence was buzzing and becoming a roar in his ears. He quickly began to make his way towards her through the multitude of different shaped headstones and crypts.

"_There sure were some good memories made in this cemetery,"_ commented Angelus.

"Good memories for me maybe," stated Angel, as his mind flashed back to the seemingly endless kissing under the stars that he and Buffy used to pass off as patrol.

"Your only memories here are of her kicking your ass."

"_Yeah whatever. It was totally foreplay."_

Angel froze as he heard the sounds of a brutal fight. As he rounded the corner of a crypt he got an eyeful of his slayer easily taking down the group of five vampires that were surrounding her.

"_Damn I missed watching this."_

"Yeah you're telling me."

TBC


End file.
